


The Body

by lit_chick08



Category: Make It or Break It
Genre: 100 Fairytales Prompt, Alternate Universe - Canon, F/M, Season 2 spoilers, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lit_chick08/pseuds/lit_chick08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was all Austin's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Body

**Author's Note:**

> used to fill _The Girl Who Did Not Know Herself_ box in my Fairytale Fic Table
> 
> Inspired by this photo of Alicia Sacramone in “The Body” issue of ESPN magazine. Pic is kind of NSFW

It starts with a call from her agent.

Payson doesn't usually pay attention to the offers from the press; she has little interest in being in magazines or on morning shows. Since Worlds, she gets, at least, a few offers a week, and, while her agent tries to stress how much money there can be in working with the media, Payson has never wanted to be a celebrity. So when she gets the call that ESPN Magazine wants her for an upcoming issue, Payson barely hears the words.

And then he says, “Before you say no, it's The Body issue, and you're the only non-Olympic medalist they've approached.”

Immediately she feels the rush of pride such an offer entails; out of 21 athletes, to be the only one who has not been to an Olympics ( _yet_ ) is a huge deal. It means the editors believe she is going to _become_ an Olympic medalist and, even after a lifetime of being told she's an amazing gymnast, it's a whole different thing being told it by _ESPN_.

But it also means posing naked, and Payson would rather set herself on fire than ever take all of her clothes off in front of a photographer and forty crew people.

Her agent insists she not say no right away, to think on it because she has a few days before she has to give an answer to the magazine, but Payson already knows there is no way she can do it. So she puts the offer in the back of her mind, secretly enjoying the fact that ESPN thinks she is going to be the next big star in gymnastics, and focuses on the upcoming invitational.

She is sitting in the Denver airport playing Angry Birds on her phone when Austin drops into the seat across from her. Her mother is beside her, Kelly listening to her iPod on the opposite side, while Kaylie and Lauren sit on the floor stretching in preparation for the long flight. Payson sees Sasha and Summer sitting a few seats down from Austin discussing something about travel arrangements, and she immediately returns her focus to beating the level when Summer laughs and sets her hand on Sasha's thigh.

“So I hear we're doing a shoot together,” Austin says, holding out the french fries he just purchased.

Payson shakes her head. “What are you talking about?”

“My agent said you got the same offer I did from ESPN. You're doing it, right?”

The moment the four letters leave his mouth, suddenly everyone from The Rock is looking at them; Kelly even pulls her earbuds free of her ears, which is nearly impossible to get her to do under the best of circumstances. Payson feels the blush starting to rise on her face, and she wishes Austin would have waited to say something to her.

“You got an offer from ESPN?” Kim asks, her face lighting up with happiness. “Payson, sweetie, that's fantastic!”

“She's the only person they've asked who hasn't been to an Olympics before,” Austin supplies with a smile. “My agent said they're calling her the next big thing in women's gymnastics.”

Payson sees Lauren's face immediately fold into jealousy, and she cannot bring herself to look at Kaylie or Kelly. “It's not that big of a deal.”

“It's a huge deal,” Summer objects, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Payson, that is an incredible honor, isn't it, Sasha?”

The only person who dislikes her doing press more than herself, is Sasha, who has a tendency to refer to the media alternately as “leeches” or “vultures.”

“It would certainly bring you a great deal of attention,” Sasha offers neutrally.

“It's a really amazing offer, Pay,” Kaylie pipes up, smiling kindly. “ESPN...I mean, it doesn't get any bigger than that.”

“I'm not doing it,” Payson states emphatically. “I already told my agent that.”

“That's retarded,” Kelly declares, ignoring the disapproving look Summer throws in her direction over her word choice. “Why would you say no to ESPN?”

When Payson says nothing, Austin volunteers, “You can have it put in your contract you don't have to be fully nude. I heard one of the track girls is wearing pasties or something.”

“Nude?” Kim echoes, her eyes bulging.

“Oh my god!” Lauren cries, her jaw dropping. “They asked you to do _The Body issue_ and you're turning them down?” And then she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “No, I mean, _of course_ you're turning them down. You can't even wear a bikini in public.”

“Lo,” Kaylie chastises softly, shaking her head minutely.

“What? I'm not being a bitch, but come on! Kelly or I would have been _way_ better choices. Even you would have been, Kay, but you won't be eighteen for another six months. Anyone who knows Pay knows she isn't the 'hey, check me out' kind of girl.”

Cheeks burning a brilliant shade of scarlet, Payson pushes to her feet as she announces her intention to go get a bottle of water. It takes her a minute to realize Austin is now standing beside her, a sheepish expression on his face.

“I didn't know you weren't telling people.”

Payson shrugs. “It wasn't a secret. I just...I knew it was going to be like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like, my mom freaking out because I'm getting offered the chance to pose naked and Lauren being... _Lauren_. And I'm not going to do it anyway so I just didn't think I should even mention it.” She shrugs again. “Don't feel bad about it or anything.”

“Do you want my opinion?”

Payson smiles wryly. “Would it matter if I said no?”

“No.” Taking a deep breath, Austin declares, “I think you should do it.”

“You're just saying that because you don't want to be the only Rock gymnast naked in a magazine.”

“No, I'm saying it because you deserve it. Out of every athlete on the planet, the magazine picked 21 people, and you were one of them. And they _only_ picked Olympians this time. London is still months off, and the entire world already knows Payson Keeler is walking away with a medal. There are little girls who have _your_ picture on their walls, who want to be just like _you_. Do you seriously not get why that's a big deal?”

Folding her arms over her chest, suddenly chastened, Payson admits, “I try not to think about it. It's just so much... _pressure_. I don't want to be Payson Keeler, role model. I want to be Payson Keeler, Olympic gold medalist.”

“Yeah, well, just because you're one, doesn't mean you can't be the other.” Dropping his voice, letting his eyes flick back towards their group, he adds, “Look, if you ever repeat this, I'll deny it and cut your brake line. But everyone thinks gymnasts have to be built like Lauren or Kelly or Kaylie, and it's that kind of thinking that leads girls to starve themselves. If there's any gymnast out there I'd want people looking at naked and saying, 'I want to look like _that_ ,' it's you.”

Their flight is announced and then they are boarding the plane, Payson trying to push the whole issue to the back of her mind as she visualizes her floor routine as they fly over the Pacific.

* * *

The first night after competition, Payson cannot sleep. Part of it is due to the blasting music coming from the headphones Kelly insists she needs to fall asleep, but a larger part is the repetition of her conversation with Austin. Admitting defeat, knowing it is against the rules to even think about doing what she is doing, especially at one in the morning the night before the final round of competition, Payson changes into sweats, wrapping her hair into a bun as she walks to the elevator.

There is a 24-hour restaurant in the hotel, and Payson sits down at the bar while people laugh boisterously at nearby tables; Payson thinks of her cousin Macy at the University of Michigan, of all the stories Macy tells her via email about the late-night dinners and various shenanigans with her roommates. If she was a regular girl, Payson would be a college freshman, wouldn't have to worry about eating meals too late at night for fear of weight gain or whether or not her double arabian was ready for competition.

Of course, if she was a regular girl, she wouldn't be _Payson Keeler_ , and ESPN wouldn't want her in their magazine anyway.

She orders an overpriced iced tea, sipping it as she mulls over her decision, trying to ignore the two men at the end of the bar who keep throwing looks her way. When she feels someone rest their hand against her back, she gasps, whirling around to draw away from a stranger when she sees Sasha, his face a mixture of disapproval and surprise.

“It's past curfew.”

Payson nods shakily. “I know. I couldn't – I couldn't sleep. I'll go upstairs.”

Sasha shakes his head as he slides onto the stool beside her. “I've known you for nearly two years, Payson. I can't recall you ever sneaking out after curfew to sit at a bar drinking tea.”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“About tomorrow? Because you're going to medal in floor, vault, and maybe even bars with a real shot at the all-around so - “

“No, I...I know that,” she assures him with all of the confidence of someone who can read a meet better than most coaches. “I'm just...” She sighs, taking a heavy swallow of her tea, before blurting out, “Do you think I should do that photo shoot?”

Sasha is quiet for an unnerving length of time before venturing, “I think it has the potential to be a very unnecessary distraction. And I also think it doesn't seem like something you're very comfortable doing, so I don't understand why you would.”

“Austin thinks I owe it to the entire female gender to promote a healthy body image.”

“Yes, but Austin isn't the one who is going to get catcalled on the streets and have men ask him to sign his picture.” Sasha sighs, signaling the bartender and ordering a scotch. “You're a legal adult though. If you want to do this - “

“My father would kill me,” she cuts in. “And my mom, she already said I'd be setting a terrible example for Becca and then Summer started in on exploitation and modesty, which is when I checked out.” She smiles when Sasha's lips quirk upwards in amusement. “I guess I just...”

“You just what?”

Keeping her eyes fixed on her glass, stirring her tea to provide a distraction, Payson admits, “I guess I just don't understand why they'd ask _me_.”

“What?”

“Well...Lauren's right. She and Kelly, they'd love to do this and they're so...They're so...”

“They're so what?”

Payson lifts her eyes, blushing beneath the the heat of his heavy gaze. Quickly looking down into her glass, she mumbles, “You know...they're sexy.”

Sasha's incredulous snicker startles her. “You don't know yourself at all, do you?”

“What do you mean?”

Nodding towards the end of the bar, Sasha states, “Those men haven't been looking over here because they're interested in _me_.” Payson cannot help but blush as he continues, “They chose you because you're beautiful, Payson, and men will want to see you. The question is, whether or not you want men to look.”

Shifting uncomfortably, blushing furiously, she presses, “What do _you_ think I should do?”

“Whatever it is _you_ wish to do.” Clasping her shoulder, Sasha pronounces, “You have better judgment than anyone I know. Don't let Austin, Kim, Summer, or anyone else make this choice for you.” Throwing a couple of bills onto the bar, he orders, “Now let's go upstairs so you can get some rest before trouncing the competition tomorrow.”

She takes home three medals, but the photo shoot never leaves her mind.

* * *

“You look like you're going to vomit.”

Payson pulls her robe more tightly around her, glaring at Austin, who is clearly at ease in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. She had left the gym when Austin posed for his shot on the rings, not wanting to see more of her friend's boyfriend than absolutely necessary, but she was the only one; Austin's lack of shame was apparently legendary.

As the lighting is set around the beam, she snaps, “I'm not going to vomit. Shut up.”

Austin grins, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Don't worry. It's a quick trick, you've done it a thousand times, and only a handful of people are going to see the full Payson.”

“Until it hits the stands.”

He scoffs. “Please. They're going to see a little crack at most.”

“Please stop talking.”

Giving her a squeeze, he asks, “Where do Kim and Mark think you are?”

“Meeting with the Grrl Bar people.” Gnawing on her lip, she declares, “They're going to kill me when it comes out.”

“No, they're going to say, 'Hey, that's my daughter, and she's fucking awesome,' which you are.” As the photographer calls for her to get into position, Austin presses a firm kiss to the side of her head. “Knock 'em dead, Keeler.”

It really isn't as bad as she imagined it. Thanks to some negotiations from her agent, she's wearing a nude thong and pasties; after a few moments of holding the pose, she forgets about her nudity and focuses on maintaining the lines of the pose. She breathes deeply, remembering Sasha's speeches about grace and beauty, and, before she knows it, the photographer is announcing it's a wrap.

The photographer tells her the shots are beautiful.

Payson hopes everyone else feels the same way.

* * *

She doesn't tell anyone about the shoot and makes Austin promise he won't either. The magazine won't hit the stands for two months, and it gives her time to prepare for whatever backlash is sure to result from it. Training is exhausting and Payson has almost forgotten about the shoot all together until the day she is working on her floor routine and she hears her mother scream, “Payson Rose!”

She has not been middle-named since she was eight and told Becca she was adopted. As the other gymnasts turn to watch her hurry towards her mother's shared office, confusion and morbid curiosity on their faces, it is Sasha's presence behind her, following her into the office which unnerves her most of all.

Kim Keeler looks ready to murder someone, and Payson can see the pinched judgment in Summer's features. She doesn't bother asking why she has been summoned to the office; she leaves that to Sasha, whose voice disappears when Kim thrusts something which has been printed off the internet into his hands. Payson sees his eyes go wide, blatant surprise on his face, and Payson suddenly wishes she was wearing something more substantial than a leotard.

“How could you go behind our backs and do this?” Kim asks. It is only then Payson realizes it is not so much anger in her voice; it is disappointment with an edge of embarrassment. “Is this what you were doing when you said you were meeting with the Grrl Bar people?”

Keeping her eyes trained on the carpet, Payson admits, “I went with Austin to LA for the shoot. I made him promise not to say anything.”

“If you thought this was okay, why did you hide it?” Kim rushes on. “Why would you lie to everyone?”

“Because I knew everyone would react like this.”

“Payson, you're a role model to young girls,” Summer chimes in, and now more than ever Payson is struck by how grating her voice is. “Posing nude, putting yourself on display like this - “

“It isn't _Playboy_ ,” Payson interrupts, offended. “I was covered the entire time. And you aren't going after Austin like this!”

“It's different,” Summer insists.

“Why, because he's a guy?” Looking at her mother, trying to make her understand, she says, “I didn't want to lie, but I knew you and Dad were never going to think it was okay. And I'm an adult, this was a huge honor, and I - “

Kim holds up her hand to silence her. After a tense moment, Payson sees her mother deflate, the indignation leaving her. It is only weariness in her voice as she sighs, “For the rest of your life, whenever anyone Googles your name, a naked picture is going to come up. No one's going to care about what an 'honor' it was; all they're going to see is a young girl who took off her clothes. When you go to college, when you have kids, that picture will follow you. Do you understand that?”

Payson hates the way tears flood her vision, shame beginning to creep into her body. She manages to squeak out the word “sorry,” but Kim's cell begins to ring. When she announces it is Mark, answering the call, Payson flinches as she can hear her father shouting through the phone. Turning away from Summer, giving her back to the adults in the room, she tries to take deep, steadying breaths the way she does before a routine, but it doesn't work. Tears begin to streak down her face as she hears her father scream, “What the hell was she thinking?! She looks like a goddamn pin-up!”

“Why don't you go home for the day?” Sasha suggests softly, and Payson nods, unable to leave the office fast enough. The moment she hits the floor, Kaylie, Lauren, and Kelly begin to approach her, but Austin beats them, swinging an arm around her shoulder and keeping pace with her as they move towards the locker room.

“Don't listen to them, Keeler. You look amazing in those shots, and you shouldn't be embarrassed.”

_That's easy to say when you don't have to go home to your parents._

* * *

Her father screams; her mother lectures; Becca watches in amazement. By the time Payson retreats to her bedroom after dinner, she feels two inches tall. Though she swore to herself months earlier she would never do it again, Payson cries herself to sleep.

She gets up earlier than usual, leaving for The Rock long before her mother or Becca has begun to stir. It doesn't matter that she waits outside the doors for forty-five minutes before Sasha arrives; as long as she is not in her house, Payson is happy.

Sasha does not say a word as he lets her inside, doesn't ask any questions as she stretches and begins to warm-up. It is only after she botches two simple tumbling passes, tricks she mastered before hitting puberty, that Sasha gently calls her name. For some reason, she feels more embarrassed about botching the passes than she does for the photos which have outraged her family. As she walks across the floor to Sasha, she sees he is holding the print-outs from the day before, and her stomach anxiously twists.

“I told you I thought this could be a distraction.”

Payson nods, swallowing back emotion. “I remember.”

“Why did you pose?”

Of all the questions which have been asked of her in the past 24 hours, no one has asked this one, and it temporarily throws her. Finally Payson admits, “Because everyone said I couldn't.”

Sasha smirks. “What?”

“Lauren said I didn't have the guts; Kelly said I was too pure. My parents said it was wrong, and Becca just laughed at the idea of it. Everyone kept telling me I couldn't do it, that I wasn't _capable_ of doing it, and it reminded me of when I was coming back after my surgery. No one thought I could get back to where I was, and no one thought I could go from being a power gymnast to an artistic gymnast, myself included, and I'm just so _sick_ of everyone telling me what I'm _supposed_ to be.” Meeting his gaze, she confesses, “And I guess I liked the idea that someone thought I was pretty enough to pose. I know that makes me as stupid as Lauren - “

“It doesn't,” he interrupts, laying the picture flat on the balance beam. Tapping it with his index finger, he gently orders, “Look at it.”

Payson does with a blush.

“What do you see?” When Payson says nothing, shaking her head with a shrug, Sasha runs the tip of his finger along the frozen line of her leg; it is such a slow, deliberate motion, Payson swears she can feel it on her skin. “Your mother was right; this picture will follow you for the rest of your life. But what they're going to see is someone beautiful, someone graceful; until the day you die, people will remember you like _this_ : perfect, exquisite, an elite athlete who performs at a level few can only dream of. There is _nothing_ embarrassing about this photo.”

She hates how young she sounds when she says, “Really?”

“Really.”

There is a heavy tension in the air, something which wraps itself around her limbs and her heart, which makes her want to step into him and be kissed; it is the feeling which got them both in so much trouble the year before, and Payson will never make that mistake again. But as Sasha looks at her, his eyes momentarily dropping to her lips, Payson knows he feels it too. Cautiously she moves forward, closing the small distance between them, but she does not do more; it is Sasha's move, and they both know it.

“We can't do this,” Sasha murmurs, face twisting with regret.

Payson nods in agreement, dropping her chin only to have Sasha lift it with two fingers. For a moment they stare at each other, neither moving, and finally Sasha grits out, “After the Olympics...”

He doesn't say anything else; he doesn't have to.

* * *

When the magazine finally comes out, Payson is on the cover. She is in profile, one arm crossed to cover her breasts, every line of her body on display. Austin's photo – a carefully shadowed shot of him performing an Iron Cross – is used by various news outlets to publicize the issue, but she finds herself bombarded with interview requests. _USA Today_ refers to her as “the Golden Girl,” and the title sticks, much to Lauren's chagrin. It takes a few weeks, but the furor dies down and life begins to return to normal.

The editors send her and Austin framed copies of their shots. Austin laughs about hanging his in the entryway of his apartment, but Payson knows she could never bring herself to hang it in her own room. It is too vain, too shameless. Instead she slips the framed shot into the backseat of Sasha's car, flushing scarlet the entire time at her brazenness; she tries not to think about the excitement which makes her stomach tighten at the idea of Sasha discovering the picture.

Three weeks after the Olympics, Sasha invites her to his apartment for dinner, their first attempt at an actual date away from the prying eyes of the press or other members of the Rock. As Sasha cooks, Payson wanders into the room which serves as his home office; there, amongst the framed shots of himself winning gold at the 2000 games, the shots of Team USA winning the gold in London, is the photograph from the magazine, hung amongst the other honors of his life.

Some day he will tell her it is his favorite photo of her, the one he feels best encapsulates everything she is.

But for now Payson just smiles.


End file.
